


body terror song

by VeteranKlaus



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Body Image, But not maliciously, Coming Out, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Misgendering, Non-Binary Klaus Hargreeves, They/Them Pronouns for Klaus Hargreeves, i body tackled the self-projection button, post s2 but no spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26881108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeteranKlaus/pseuds/VeteranKlaus
Summary: A lot of the time, it doesn't bother Klaus. A lot of the time, they don't think about it, and they're perfectly happy and content with themself.Sometimes, though, there are days where they aren't, and sometimes they just wished other people understood.
Comments: 45
Kudos: 250





	body terror song

**Author's Note:**

> Mega shout out to Sara and Kay for reading this, i love y'all
> 
> Anyway, here's a story in which i body slammed the projection button. It might be broken now. Whoops

A lot of the time, it doesn’t bother Klaus. A lot of the time, they don’t think about it, and they’re perfectly happy and content with themself. 

Sometimes, though, there are days where they aren’t, and sometimes they just wished other people understood that.

Although it’s hard to explain, and they’ve never really actually talked about it to anyone before. It’s hard to understand, too - they had never really gotten it until they got older either, until they met people like them, until they realised that what they felt was actually  _ a thing  _ and not just some odd thoughts intermingling with their sexuality. 

They’ve always been rather flamboyant and unapologetic. In the Academy, things like sexuality and gender roles simply weren’t really a thing. Reginald definitely couldn’t care less about it beyond public appearances, and if Klaus got in trouble for something like wearing makeup, then so would Allison. He was an asshole, but at least he didn’t discriminate, and Klaus was free to talk about boys with Allison and Vanya, and to paint their nails, and steal their clothes, and that was simply them. They’d never really questioned it, nor had their siblings, because that was simply Klaus.

And then they got older, and Klaus had no regard for public opinion or societal norms, wearing whatever the hell they wanted and never hesitated to reach for makeup when they had the chance. They understood that they went against societal norms, and they didn’t overly worry about it, honestly. That was simply who they were, and they did what they liked, and what made them happy, and they couldn’t care less about what other people thought of them purely over something as insignificant as clothing and makeup.

But some things just didn’t sit right with them. They didn’t recognise it so much when they were younger, and definitely wouldn’t have identified it as what it actually was, but sometimes they just felt - wrong. Something was wrong and they couldn’t identify it and often overlooked it, but the feeling grew as they got older, and got worse once they actually identified the feeling and the problem. 

They weren’t just some boy wearing makeup, or some boy messing around with girl’s clothes; they just weren't a boy at all. They weren’t a boy, and they weren’t a girl, and they didn’t entirely understand what that meant for a while. 

Not until they heard the word word  _ non-binary  _ for the first time in their early twenties. Although they hadn’t particularly given much thought to their situation, considering they had much more important worries on the streets and that most times, they simply hardly focused on it, finding it easy to just - be themself, and do what they could that made them happy, and though they weren’t focused so much on labels, that just - 

Described them. It was a small comfort to have something that fit them, and it helped them explore their own identity when they realised they could, actually, be something that wasn’t a man or a woman. It was easier to have a word that described their own thoughts and feelings, bringing them some comfort and relief, but it didn’t make everything perfect. 

Other people didn’t understand. Some people, the few they had talked to about it, had often either dismissed them or borderline called them crazy, not being either man or woman, and refused to listen to them. They found something to describe the way they felt, and they kept it to themselves to ease some of the initial turmoil they felt on particularly bad days with their own identity, and they just did what made them happy. With a life like theirs on the streets, that was the best they could do.

They told Ben about it, eventually. When that feeling of  _ wrongwrongwrong _ was overwhelming, when they felt frustrated and conflicted about themself, and they were just so tired of being referred to as male, as sir, as Ben’s brother-

Because they weren’t. They had told Ben that before they even really realised they were saying that, and before the fear of being ridiculed and disbelieved by their own brother could consume them, Ben had just asked to sit down and talk so he could understand better, and he hadn’t slipped up in years. Klaus was - Klaus was grateful for that. It was incredibly nice, sometimes, to just have at least one person who accepted them, and could make them feel as if they were actually being acknowledged.

They hadn’t told the others. To be fair, they had never really expected to have the chance to tell them, before the whole - first apocalypse, and second apocalypse, and family bonding happened, and they had the chance to get closer to their siblings; especially now, back in 2019 with no imminent threat of death or danger. And they felt as if perhaps now they could tell them, and it would actually matter. Ben told them so, too; they could tell their siblings. They would support them. Of course they would.

But there was a part of Klaus that feared not being taken seriously, or for them to even believe their identity existed, and though they tried not to care about what other people thought of them - it would hurt more, coming from his siblings when they were all trying to become closer; when they were closer than they had been in a long time.

And, they told themself, they didn’t care. It didn’t matter. They were happy with who they were, how they presented; they’d never not be themself, and do so unapologetically, and they were happy like that. They could overlook the pronouns most of the time, they could move past it, and it wasn’t a problem-

Even if it hurts, just a little. They don’t know any better, of course, so they don’t know that what they say sometimes hurts, but it does nonetheless.

Klaus doesn’t actually plan to to tell them, even if Ben encourages them to do so after watching the way they falter just a little when their family go out of their way to refer to Klaus as a man, excluding them from Allison and Vanya’s ‘girl nights’ because it always becomes ‘girl nights - and Klaus’ and when Diego would so fondly refer to them as  _ brother  _ which Klaus knew he didn’t mean to hurt them, and he doesn’t know better, but it’s still enough to just - upset them, at least a little. 

Some days are worse than others, and sometimes the little comments make it worse. 

They wake up and they can feel the familiar sense of wrongness nestled in their muscles today. They try to shake it off, hoping that maybe they can just push through it and it won’t bother them too much today, but even the motion of getting changed and attempting to put makeup on is jarring and makes it worse.

They’re not usually unhappy with their appearance or how they present, but there are days where their own masculinity is just a little more infuriating than usual; the way their jaw is sharp, their Adam’s apple prominent in their throat. Their shoulders feel a little too broad, their voice a little too deep, body too tall; hands and feet too big, their body all sharp edges; everything just too masculine. It feels as if they could never be seen as anything but a man, and it’s both horrifically disheartening and depressing.

Then there’s the struggle to figure out what they could even change to make satisfy the itch under his skin. They look and feel wrong, and it needs to change, but they can’t even figure out what  _ would  _ look and feel right. There’s conflict to pull their hair back and dress in a way that just makes them look even more masculine, to just suck it up and resign themself to fitting in that way, but they can’t bring themself to do that. They do their eyeliner softer than usual, put on a coat of mascara, and then fumble around their bedroom in search of even more makeup; maybe they can soften their features a little; put some blush on their cheeks to distract from their sharpness; put a gentle colour of pink on their lips to distract from the stubble growing in across their jaw. 

Klaus’ hair sits just by their shoulders, soft from their bath last night and wild with untamed curls, and they leave that as it is. They sit for several moments in front of the mirror, legs crossed, still wearing only a pair of pyjama bottoms. They like makeup, and they had hoped that perhaps doing it would distract from their more masculine features, but they’re suddenly afraid that it just looks clownish on them; just makes them look like a  _ man in makeup. _

Their fingers press against their cheeks, run along their jaw before they slump, dropping their head into their hands. They don’t typically dislike how they look, but they’re  _ tired  _ of people looking at them and seeing a man, and they don’t know how to change that. 

“What’s up?”

Klaus doesn’t bother lifting their head up, but they offer a half-hearted, muffled groan in the direction of their brother. 

“Oh, nice,” says Ben, and they can hear him settling down somewhere nearby. When they do finally glance up, he’s sat leaning against the wall, raising an eyebrow at them. Klaus makes a vague gesture at the mirror.

“What’s wrong with it?” Ben asks, frowning and looking at the object as if he expects it to shatter, but then he glances back at Klaus and softens a little. “Hey, you look fine. The makeup’s nice.”

Klaus’ head falls back as they groan, but they’re suddenly aware of how that motion of stretching their neck out just makes their Adam’s apple pop out even more, and they drop their head back down.

“It’s not -  _ right _ ,” they say, finally, turning their gaze to glare at their reflection. 

“I'm sorry,” Ben murmurs. “You know you don’t owe anyone anything, though. Not - femininity, or androgyny.”

“I know,” Klaus grumbles. “Doesn’t make it any better, though.”

"I know,” Ben echoes with an apologetic frown. “But seriously. The makeup’s nice. You look good. Might look better with a shirt on, but.”

Klaus glares at their half-smirking brother, but it at least spurs them on from staring at their reflection (wrong, still, too broad and tall in some areas, too sharp, and it feels like the word  _ man  _ is written all over their body, because despite everything they do, that’s all anyone ever sees them as.) 

(They had told Dave, eventually. It felt like something that Dave had to know. Of course, Dave didn’t really understand at first, but he hadn’t - he hadn’t loved them any less like Klaus feared. Hadn’t respected them any less. Didn’t doubt or disbelieve them at all. When Klaus almost chickened out of the conversation, he had insisted that he wanted to learn, had wanted to understand as best he could, and he had been - he had just been so  _ good  _ and Klaus misses him so badly-)

They get up, turning to ransack their closet for today’s outfit. It feels disheartening, trying to find feminine things this time, because it feels like they’re just trying to fight a battle that they’ve always lost, and they’re not trying to be a woman either, but perhaps they can overwhelm their own masculinity with feminine things and find some tentative balance between the two, if they’re lucky. In the end, they settle on a dress, one that lands mid-calf (too tall for it to reach their ankles) and hangs loose by their narrow hips. With it on, they spin back around to face the mirror, and one hand pinches the dress at their back to try and get a glimpse of their own figure, only to let it fall back loose with a sigh.

“You okay, Klaus?” asks Ben, still sitting on the floor. Klaus offers their brother a plastered-on grin and says,

“Let’s go get some breakfast, huh Benny?”

Ben follows them downstairs, into the dining room where the rest of their family already is. Grace has set breakfast down for them too, and Klaus gives her an appreciative smile.

“I like your dress,” comments Allison, glancing over at them, and Klaus hums. 

“Well,  _ Danke, _ ” they say, fiddling with the fabric between their fingers for a moment before letting it fall back down their legs, one crossed over the other. Their toenails are still painted, they notice absently. It’s a small thing that makes them smile a little as they absently tap their foot in the air to the quiet beat of distant ghostly crying. 

“Summery,” comments Vanya. The dress is pink, and probably a summer dress they once stole from Allison. 

“I’m just getting ready for it,” they muse. “Hot girl summer, and all that.”

Vanya snorts, returning her attention back to her breakfast, idly poking around at her scrambled eggs. 

“Isn’t that my dress?” Allison asks. Klaus strategically avoids her gaze, looking completely innocent. 

“I’m sorry, my dear, but you can’t deny this was just made for me,” they drawl, stretching out on their chair. 

“Outshone by my own brother,” Allison sighs, shaking her head mournfully. Klaus smiles, but they have to force it onto their face, and they can’t conjure up a laugh.

“Yeah,” they mumble, and return their attention quickly to their breakfast, stabbing a piece of bacon, and listen as the conversation quickly turns to something else. They’ve only been back in 2019 for a couple of weeks, just long enough for everyone to actually begin to settle down and consider that perhaps the world won’t end again - although, by everyone, Klaus mainly just means Five. They think that their brother has slept at least four times this week, and they think that might be a record for him. 

Breakfast passes by and Klaus finds themself returning to their bedroom quickly afterwards. They can’t quite find enough energy to stick around their siblings, some heavy tiredness pulling down at their muscles and bones, a sad resignation that they know all too well, and they’re not sure they can so easily deflect any more innocent  _ brother  _ comments; so, they seek refuge in their bedroom, passing time idly fiddling with things in their bedroom, picking up an old set of knitting needles stabbed into a ball of wool.

After a while, Ben returns, letting himself into the bedroom and settling on the windowsill, though he doesn’t say anything. His eyes glance Klaus over, eying the knitting in their hands, a poor attempt at distracting themself from the rising hopelessness in their chest.

It’s not that they’re necessarily unhappy with themself, but there are days like this when it all builds up, the way everyone perceives them as someone they aren’t and they can’t help it, can’t change that, no matter how hard they try - and they don’t even know how to satisfy the way their body just doesn’t match what they wish it was, doesn’t reflect who they actually are. It’s bad enough knowing that everyone on the streets would pass them by and automatically see them as someone they aren’t, but it hurts worse when it’s their own family, and they’re just - tired, and frustrated, and it seems like no matter what they do, no one will see them for who they actually are.

“You know,” Ben murmurs, easily picking up on their mood, “they’d care. They’d want to know, and they’d learn and put the effort in.”

Klaus is sure they would. They can’t honestly imagine their siblings going out of their way to maliciously misgender them, but - the thought is enough to deter them. Maybe Vanya might be more understanding, but the rest of them don’t have the same point of view that Klaus does, the same understanding of gender and sexuality and one’s experience of both, and they’ve met plenty of people who don’t even believe that being non-binary is a real thing, and-

Klaus is just afraid that their siblings might end up like those people. They don’t want to risk it.

Swiping roughly at their damp eyes, Klaus mutters, “God, I’m just being a baby,” to themself, frustrations rising. 

“No, you’re not,” Ben says. “No more than usual, anyway.”

Klaus laughs harshly, flipping him off. “Fuck you, bro,” they say, but their brother did succeed in making them smile, and Ben looks a little proud of himself. Klaus hopes it doesn’t go to his head; it’s already big enough. 

“Klaus, seriously-”

“I don’t even care! Like, they don’t know better, and I don’t care what they think of me-”

“Klaus-”

“So, like, it doesn’t even matter-”

“ _ Klaus- _ ”

“But it’s just-”

_ “Klaus!”  _

They can’t help but startle a little at Ben’s outburst, wide eyes turning to him and mouth snapping shut. With a sigh, Ben rises to his feet and wanders over to Klaus, dropping down onto their bed.

“Look, you might not care what people think about you, but they’re your siblings. You deserve to have their support and acceptance, and you know they will, if you just let them know.  _ You  _ deserve that.”

Klaus inhales shakily, dropping their head back into their hands and hunching their shoulders up. 

“But if they don’t…”

“They  _ will, _ ” Ben insists. “Klaus, they care about you. They’ll want to know so they can try to help and address you correctly. You don’t have to put up with them misgendering you because they don’t know better.” He pauses for a moment. “Plus, you know Five will beat himself up if he does, and you’ll have him at your beck and call for, like, a solid week. They’d sooner stab one another than knowingly hurt you.”

Klaus groans, hiding behind their hands. They hate when Ben makes sense, or when the chance to have Five on his side is dangled right in their face, because Ben’s right; they can imagine Five taking any misgendering, even accidental, dangerously serious for them. Nobody would be able to get near Klaus before Five had threatened them six different ways.

“Do I have to?” Klaus asks weakly, lifting his gaze to meet Ben’s. Their brother just smiles gently at them.

“It’s your choice, Klaus. Of course it is. But it hurts you, and you deserve to not have to hide yourself just to fit with what they say.”

Klaus nods weakly, and goes to biting absently at their nails while thinking. Klaus knows it isn’t their family’s fault for referring to them wrong considering they’ve never yet told them otherwise, and it would just be a huge weight off their shoulders to not have to deal with that with their own family, in their own home. It might not solve their own internal conflict, but surely it wouldn’t make things  _ worse. _

Unless it all went horrible and they all decided to shun them from the family. Then that would be rather bad.

“You’re overthinking it,” Ben says, waving his hand in front of Klaus’ face. Klaus startles a little, but composes themself quickly enough to glare at their brother.

“Am not,” they defend.

“I can feel you thinking.”

“Pervert.”

Ben rolls his eyes, but leans forwards and nudges their thigh. “Look, it’s your choice, but I just think you should see that everyone here would support you and having them know and support you might make bad days more bearable, and you deserve that.”

(Dave made the bad days more bearable. When he told them they were gorgeous nonetheless, and how he had been sure Klaus would look just as gorgeous once they got out of the war and if they decided to change up their appearance to be more or less masculine, or in any other way. How he’d just been there to comfort them, offering them his presence and support unconditionally; how Klaus had always been able to find love and safety and refuge with Dave, even from themself.)

(They’ve not yet been able to find their Dave again, and they’re trying not to lose hope, but on days like this, they miss him even more. But perhaps if they can’t have him, perhaps he can get some support elsewhere.)

Klaus worries at their nails for several moments longer, conflicted and anxious, eyes jumping around their bedroom before coming to rest on the mirror and staring back at themself. It’s just them, in the mirror. With hair falling around their shoulders, tattoos inked on their skin, dress hanging off their shoulders; it’s just them. Klaus wishes people saw them like they saw themself. 

“Will you come with me?” They ask Ben, eyes bouncing to their brother. Ben smiles gently, standing up and offering Klaus a hand.

“Of course,” he says, helping Klaus to their feet. “You’re stuck with me, after all.”

Klaus snorts a little, but can’t conjure up much more of a reaction, stomach twisting with anxiety as they leave the safety of their bedroom and head downstairs. They can’t remember if anyone actually has plans today, and they hope everyone’s still in - doesn’t want to have to do this twice if they can help it. 

They stop at the kitchen first, finding Diego, Five and Vanya still in there.

“Hey bro,” says Diego, raising an eyebrow at them as they linger in the doorway. Klaus twitches.

“Can, uh. Can I talk to you all?” They ask, fingers nervously picking at the paint on the doorway. Diego and Five share a look.

“Of course,” Vanya says before their brothers can say something less tactful. “In here, or…?”

“Uh, everyone,” Klaus says, stepping back and looking around. “So, Allison and Luther…”

“Are in the main room,” reports Ben, walking over to their side. Klaus nods.

“In the main room.”

“Is everything okay?” Diego asks, drying his hands - he was helping Grace with washing the dishes, of course he was - before he joins Vanya and Five in following them into the main room. Sure enough, Allison and Luther are lounging around here, though they all sit up when everyone files in.

“Is everything okay?” Allison echoes Diego, her eyebrows raised.

“Klaus wants to talk to us,” Five states, obviously curious. He’s still got his coffee - Klaus wonders what cup that is, and if he even paced himself from his coffee at breakfast.

Everyone, though evidently a little tense, sits down around the main room, and Klaus sits on a couch with Ben by their side. They stare down at the couch cushion, absentmindedly picking at a stray thread.

“What’s up, Klaus?” Luther asks, looking around the room for any hints, but everyone is just as clueless.

Klaus glances up at Ben. Their heart is racing, stomach all tied up in knots, mind supplying scenarios of disbelief and dismissal and denial, of ridicule and half-assed excuses to not cater to their identity. But Ben smiles, reaching out to rest a hand on their wrist, and with an easy thought, he becomes visible to the others. They can tell by the way the entire room seems to gasp, everyone still in awe at seeing Ben each time Klaus makes him corporeal.

“Ben?” Diego says, eyes narrowing. “Is everything okay? What’s going on?”

“Klaus has something they’d like to tell you,” he simply says. His thumb runs over their wrist, unnaturally cold, before pulling back.

“Okay…. Bro, wanna explain?”

Klaus twitches again, face twisting in a grimace. They take a breath in and slump with the exhale. “About that… I’m not your  _ bro,  _ bro.”

Diego raises an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He asks, sounding vaguely offended, as if Klaus had just implied that they weren’t friends anymore. It makes them laugh a little, risking looking up.

“I’m not your brother,” they state, eyes skating over their siblings, searching for a reaction. They’re not overly surprised when it’s Vanya that speaks up.

“Are you…”

Before she can make one assumption, Klaus cuts in with the correct one, supplying, “I’m non-binary. I’m not your brother. Ben - Ben knows, and thought I should tell you, because - you keep calling me that, everyone calls me that, and I’m  _ not _ , and I’m tired of it and-”

“Hey, it’s okay, Klaus,” Ben murmurs, reaching for their wrist again, reminding them to breathe and not keep spitting out all the thoughts on their mind. They pause, composing themself and their thoughts, before opening their eyes again (when did they close?) and looking around at their siblings.

“Okay,” says Vanya, glancing around the room to see if anyone else decides to speak up. When they don’t, she takes the lead. “I - I’ve heard of that, before.”

“You have?” Klaus blurts out, a spark of hope lighting up in their chest. Vanya’s lips twitch into a smile and she nods. 

“Yeah, yeah. I, uh, I actually knew someone who is as well.”

“I don’t know what that is,” Diego admits, shuffling on the spot and looking between Klaus and Vanya. 

“Me,” Klaus mutters with a sarcastic laugh, going back to picking at the thread on the cushion they’re on.

“It’s, uh, gender identity,” offers Vanya, glancing back at Klaus. “Not-”

“Not male or female,” Klaus mumbles. “Not a man. Or a woman.” They gesture vaguely, keeping their gaze down out of fear of what they might see if they look up. This isn’t - important, like Ben thinks, and they should have just left it at that, but here they are and they can’t back out now. “Somewhere out there that’s not the binary.”

“You’re not our brother,” echoes Allison, and Klaus cringes but nods anyway. Were they this anxious to tell Dave? A part of them always knew Dave would accept them; they never doubted him. It’s… complicated, with family. “You’re our… sibling,” she suggests instead, obviously looking for their approval.

“That’s - better,” he confirms gently. 

“Ben referred to you as  _ they _ ,” Five comments, getting a murmur of agreement from the rest of their siblings. “Is that what you prefer?”

Hesitantly, Klaus nods. “Yeah, but - you don’t have to, if-”

“Klaus, it’s your identity. If that’s what you feel comfortable with, that’s what we’ll use,” Five says, dismissing his worries. “Gender-neutral language, then?”

Klaus dares to look back up, glancing over their siblings. “Yeah,” they murmur. “I - like that, and Ben uses that.”

“Okay,” Five easily says, glancing around as well. “Then that’s what we’ll use. Right?”

Leaving them a little shocked, all their siblings nod in agreement, not hesitating to back Five’s claim up. It almost feels too easy; to not have to try and convince them that their identity actually exists, to not have to convince them to use their preferred pronouns. They have to stop themself from going down that whole spiel anyway, knowing it’s unnecessary.

Ben nudges them. “I told you,” he says proudly, grinning. Shaking themself from their thoughts, Klaus rolls their eyes.

“Har-har, I told you so, I get it. Shut up.”

“Were you - worried, to tell us?” Diego asks, frowning, and Klaus immediately turns their attention to the cushion thread.

“I mean - it’s just - some people don’t understand, or agree, and I know it’s hard to adjust, and it’s a nuisance and all that, so-”

“It’s probably one of the more understandable things about you,” Five comments, and Klaus isn’t sure how to take that, so they simply frown at him. 

“Of course we support you, Klaus,” says Allison. “Thank you for telling us. Seriously.” She smiles at them, all warm eyes and soft expression, and Klaus can’t help but smile back. “I’m sorry for messing up before, but-”

“It’s fine,” Klaus hurriedly dismisses, shaking their head. “You didn’t know before-”

“Still,” she insists. “It must have been hard, to just have to deal with that. Thank you for telling us now.”

“Well,” Klaus says, gritting it out through the lump in their throat. It was. It was just so tiring to feel as if no one was seeing the person they actually were, as if they had to hide that part of themself and fit with what other people saw them as, and it wore on them eventually. It was hard enough fighting themself when they felt as if their own body was ill-fitting of themself, and knowing other people saw them as something they weren’t just made it harder to deal with. 

Like they thought earlier, it is a weight off their shoulders to have their family know now. There’s no pressure to hide themself, grin and bear the misgendering, because that doesn’t happen now. Like Ben told them; their siblings all make an active effort to cut that out, and though they never mention it, they catch sight of a few new books in Five’s bedroom. They think it might be a little unnecessary for him to try and teach himself all about gender identity and sexuality just for Klaus, but they know that that’s how Five works, and that he’s doing it for them, and they appreciate it nonetheless.

Ben is also right in the fact that Five is very quick to make sure any slip-ups are rectified, even when Klaus doesn’t mind so much because they’re too busy holding back their affectionate laughter for their brother. 

It’s nice, to be able to have their sibling’s support and acceptance, just like Ben promised they would, and to have them understand them better now. It helps relieve tension they didn’t know they had, and they can breathe a little bit easier, and not feel as disheartened when days sometimes get harder to deal with, because now they don’t feel the need to isolate themself or have to bear situations that make it worse, but instead can seek out the support of their siblings and not have to worry about them reacting negatively. 

It helps, and Klaus doesn’t regret finally telling them all, even if it means that Ben gets to say  _ I told you so  _ once the anxiety of coming out has worn off, and they can’t help but smile a little every time someone actually refers to them how they’ve wanted it for so long.

They sit on their bed later that night, nails freshly painted with Allison and Vanya, pyjamas replacing the dress, and they meet their own gaze in the mirror and give it a toothy grin, not feeling quite as hopeless as they did the last time they looked in the same mirror.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank y'all for reading <3  
> Feel free to let me know your thoughts!


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